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THE ARCHIVES: Chapter 86

Conflicted

It was easy
to pity Lindsey
when I watched her
being tormented by
Maddy and Amanda.
But at the same time,
I still wanted to defend her.
She somehow managed
to look little and lost.
She was like an animal in a trap,
lashing out at everyone
in fear,
in rage,
in agony.
She was so hurt she’d lash out
at anyone who’s kind to her.
Except my crush.
Maybe she thought he could
rescue her from the trap.
In a way,
I hoped he could.
But at the same time,
I wanted him to shoot her,
put her out of her misery.

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THE ARCHIVES: Chapter 85

Pity Her

Instead of watching Lindsey’s face for a lie,
I watched my crush even more closely
than I had before.
There was nothing gay about him.
(Well, nothing stereotypically gay.)
Lindsey came up to me on the balcony
at lunch.
“You see what I mean about him?” she asked.
“Nope,” I said.
“Geez,” she said. “For all the time you spend
watching people, you’re pretty clueless.”
Before anger rushed to the surface
and I could tell her she’s a bigger bully
than Maddy and Amanda,
she had already left.
Cold wind swept through me,
hollowing me out.
I told myself
to pity her.

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THE ARCHIVES: Chapter 84

Think

Lindsey seemed to rearrange herself
as she searched for what to say.
Her eyebrows jittered, her hands clasped her elbows,
she rocked back and forth, her fingers pinched some split ends.
“You know,” she finally said, and there’s so much force behind it
that it seemed like it would be the last thing she’d ever say,
but she took a deep breath and continued,
“I knew him in middle school. To tell you the truth,
I think he’s gay. There’s no point in liking him.”
I considered her. She could be lying.
“You don’t know,” I said.
“You only think he’s gay.”

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