THE ARCHIVES: Chapter 311

Dim

Because I was semi-famous (infamous?) at school,
everyone knew Gary and I
broke up.
“It’s a real shame,” Lindsey had the guts to say.
“You two were good together. Two weirdos.”
If anyone was a weirdo, it was her.
She wore a heavy coat in the middle
of April.
Her untied shoelaces were tie-dyed
(the only color on her),
and the dark circles under her eyes
looked like pits.
She could taunt me all she wanted,
but I still cared about her
strangely.
My curiosity had not disappeared.
It had only dimmed, like faraway
headlights in fog.

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THE ARCHIVES: Chapter 310

Strips

I tried to force myself
to fold the note neatly
and put it away,
so it could go into the archives
later.
I could not bring myself
to put it away, so I unfolded it
and read it until I
had it memorized.
Then I tore it up
into long strips,
opened the bus window,
and fed the strips
into the breeze
one by one.
No more boyfriend.
I didn’t need him
—didn’t choose him.

I knew I would regret
not saving the note,
but the satisfaction
of seeing Gary’s words
fly away from me
was far too great.

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THE ARCHIVES: Chapter 309

Accused

I sat down on the bus,
barricaded myself into the seat
with my backpack,
and began reading Gary’s note,
which consisted of only
a few words
that stabbed like little needles.
You lied
to me
about
everything.
You never
really
wantedtobewithme.

The last words were jammed together
as if written quickly.
The last accusation was not completely false.
I never chose him.
He chose me.

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